It has been really bad lately
My mind seems to have lost
All purpose or intentions
I even lost control over my tears
Like an animal about to be finished
Unable to fight back or at least flee
My body froze into a static position
Staring at a world without meaning
I have fevers, sweating, shivering
Horrifying dreams telling me to let go
Twenty one pills a day in a stomach attack
I’m not even stable on my feet anymore
But burrowed beneath all this
Is the will to go on and not give in
Linda says I’m sarcastic lately
She’s right, it’s a powerful weapon
Joking about myself and my condition
Even to the extent that others tremble
Seems to do the trick for me, for now
No unwanted tears will kill these words
Last week, for the first time, I was afraid
It turned out to be a wrong mix of drugs
The angst disappeared, and I’m fine again
What an awful life frightened people must live
This may not be my finest hour
These may not be my finest words
But the fact that I’m writing at all
Makes me feel like a victorious
D. Cesar. Monteny
